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By God’s Grace

Yesterday I felt a little slump and uninspired upon waking up. These days I often dream which were rare. I plan to read later what causes people to dream. 

Since December or November last year, I stopped using alarm clock to wake me up. I just rely on my body clock with the exception of weekends. Me thinks that this must have been the cause of my dreams or probably not. 

Last Wednesday’s life group, I talked to the ladies about my recent dream on infidelity. Den, our leader, explained that it could be an attack of the enemy because I was worried that it is a sign. Upon hearing that I also realized that it could really be the devil’s way to make me guilty, to make me doubt my honesty to God.

 I’ve written before how staying faithful to one man has been a struggle. Temptations are everywhere. The history of our family from my great great grandmother to my mother has been my constant agony since I was a child. I don’t want to be like them. All of them have two man in their lives. My mother is the greatest of them all for having two boyfriends at the time I was conceived. Up to now, I don’t know who really is my father.

The devil knows how sensitive I am to that topic so he attacked me by that knowledge. Just thankful I have Godly friends who kept me in check. And of course, God too. Never will I fear.

But it seems, it was not done yet. Yesternight’s dream was erotic. Last night’s dream, I was stealing.


But God knows how to pacify me. Today’s devotional talked about being honest with God. Sometimes I do feel that something is stopping me from giving my all to Him. I slightly had an idea why but I’m not yet ready. Just thankful He waits for me to be ready. I needed time. Digging up the trashes of my past is too risky. It could break me. I need to fortify myself in His comfort first. Soon…at the right time.

I may have been just starting this personal intimacy with Him but I feel that God has been with me since I was born. Everything in my life is no accident. It was there to prepare me to be the woman that I am today.

A friend at work always open up our conversation calling me “Queen Kresia”. Had I been the same person, it would have made me prouder than I already am. There was once a time that I was really all for the Queen status. Lol But now, no more.

It is by God’s grace that I have this much awesomeness.

I told her after she insisted that the title is just so fitting. I’m no Queen. I’m just a child of God. I pray everyday that God would always remind me how to stay in humility. My days of narcissism is over. All glory belongs to Him. 

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